If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
