he shaved USA in his pubs
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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