The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
