I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize