I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
