I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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