just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
