I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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