I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize