Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
