We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
