he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
