recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
