Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize