Nicole vs. Life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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