Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
