we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am spending my child support on dildos
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Vodka?
Forever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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