I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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