Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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