Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
