bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
