Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Randomize
