how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
