Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
