Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I supernannyed him into submission
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
