You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
