Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
