fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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