can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
