I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is my gift to your gina
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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