does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
