do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
