Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize