My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
