That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize