Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
