dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
