We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
