You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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