There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
