I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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