my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Randomize
