I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He did a backflip because drugs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
