I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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