The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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