I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I look better un-naked...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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