I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
