The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
