she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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