If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
