I smell stomach acid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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