I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
