She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
