I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
