8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
