Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
