you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
