And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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