So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
