Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
