At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
