Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Never joke about your clitoris.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
