9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
