But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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