We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
