Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
