So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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