it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
