My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
