If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
