you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
vagina is talking i cant
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
