Me too!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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